HUMOR-- Laff-Out-Loud Funny

> <> CHURCH BULLETIN FOLLIES <>
>
> They're Back! Thank God for church ladies with
> typewriters. These
> sentences appeared in church bulletins or were
> announced in church
> services across the country:
>
>
>
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>
> The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
>
>
>
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>
> The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
> The sermon
> tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
>
>
>
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>
> Our youth basketball team is back in action
> Wednesday at 8 PM in the
> recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ
> the King.
>
>
>
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>
> Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance
> to get rid of
> those things not worth keeping around the house.
> Don't forget your
> husbands.
>
>
>
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>
> The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been
> canceled due to a
> conflict.
>
>
>
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>
> Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
> community. Smile at
> someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone
> who doesn't care
> much about you.
>
>
>
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>
> Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
>
>
>
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>
> Miss! Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way
> again," giving
> obvious pleasure to the congregation.
>
>
>
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>
> For those of you who have children and don't know
> it, we have a nursery
>
> downstairs.
>
>
>
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>
> Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
> They need all the
> help they can get.
>
>
>
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>
> Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood
> donors for more
> transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping
> and requests tapes of
>
> Pastor Jack's sermons.
>
>
>
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>
> The Rector will preach his farewell message after
> which the choir will
> sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
>
>
>
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>
> Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on
> October 24 in the
> church. So ends a friendship that began in their
> school days.
>
>
>
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>
> A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the
> church hall. Music
>
> will follow.
>
>
>
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>
> At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic
> will be "What Is
> Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
>
>
>
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>
> Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to
> the addition of
> several new members and to the deterioration of some
> older ones.
>
>
>
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>
> Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other
> items to be
> recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
>
>
>
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>
> Please place your donation in the envelope along
> with the deceased
> person you want remembered.
>
>
>
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>
> The church will host an evening of fine dining,
> super entertainment and
>
> gracious hostility.
>
>
>
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>
> Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM -- prayer and
> medication to follow.
>
>
>
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>
> The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of
> every kind. They may
>
> be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
>
>
>
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>
> This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in
> the park across
> from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared
> to sin.
>
>
>
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>
> Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at
> 10 AM. All ladies
> are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after
> the B.S. is done.
>
>
>
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>
> The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
> congregation would
> lend him their electric girdles for the pancake
> breakfast next Sunday.
>
>
>
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>
> Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at
> 7 PM. Please use
> the back door.
>
>
>
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>
> The 8th graders will be presenting Shakespeare's
> Hamlet in the Church
> basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited
> to attend this
> tragedy.
>
>
>
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>
> Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
> Presbyterian Church.
> Please use large double door at the side entrance.
>
>
>
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>
> The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new
> tithing campaign
> slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"
>
>
>
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>
>
>
> >
> >
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

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