Trump will be sorely missed -- by Comedians

May 16, 2011

Comedians Beg Trump to Reconsider

20,000 Jokers March on Trump Tower

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – Distraught at the news that Donald Trump will not seek the Republican nomination for President, the nation’s comedians took to the streets today, begging Mr. Trump to reconsider.

The largest gathering of comedians took place in Mr. Trump’s hometown of Manhattan, where an estimated crowd of 400,000 jokers marched on Trump Tower.

“I for one am devastated that Donald Trump has decided not to throw his hair in the ring,” said Jackie LaRossi, a comedian who is a regular at Manhattan’s Chuckle Barrel comedy club.

Shelley Schwartzenbaum, who headlines at the Komedy Kantina in Teaneck, New Jersey, added, “I guess he wanted to spend more time with the family of ferrets who nest on his head.”

A huge roar came up from the crowd when Mr. Trump made a brief appearance, reassuring the comedians that he would continue to be a laughingstock in the private sector.

But according to Mr. LaRossi, Mr. Trump’s departure from the race will have a severe economic impact on a comedy industry that is still reeling from last fall’s defeat of Delaware Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell.

“Sure, we’re happy that Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul are in, but frankly, that’s not enough to compensate for Trump being out," he said.  “In the days and weeks ahead you’re going to see comedians putting more pressure on Palin to announce.”

In other political news, IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn said the sexual misconduct charges against him would force him to drop out of the race for President of France and run for Prime Minister of Italy instead.