Don't be confused -- Trump's virus response has been brilliant. Here's the explanation

Trump's coronavirus response has been brilliant. Here's what you don't understand.

by Rex Huppke, Chicago Tribune

It seems some Americans are confused about President Donald Trump's extremely strong and very powerful national response to the coronavirus pandemic.

That confusion is understandable, as many Americans are not used to having a president who, by his own expert account, has "a very, very large brain" and also has "the best words." It's not President Trump's fault you're confused. It's your fault.

The coronavirus is nothing to worry about, will likely be gone by April (anyone who says April was last month is a FAKE CALENDARIST!) and the virus is also a Democratic hoax, and a plague.

The number of deaths from the virus are being overblown by Trump-hating death counters, and also more than 90,000 people have died, which is a great success. If the president had done nothing, millions would have died from this nothing-to-worry-about virus. Also, the dead are only a small percentage of the population and it was their fault (the dying, I mean) because they were unhealthy, so they don't really count and technically the COVID-19 death toll is zero. But we salute them — the hardly any — for being warriors in the great fight against this horribly overblown hoax-plague that could've killed millions were it not for President Trump's great leadership.

What's important now is that Americans come together and TRANSITION TO GREATNESS by closely adhering to the federal guidelines established by the coronavirus task force. Americans also need to REOPEN OUR COUNTRY immediately and completely disregard the aforementioned federal guidelines.

Everything's fine, life can return to normal, and also President Trump has launched an initiative called Operation Warp Speed that will create a coronavirus vaccine in record time, because everything's fine but a vaccine is crucial, but also not crucial. As the president said while announcing Operation Warp Speed: "We think we are going to have a vaccine in the pretty near future, and if we do, we are going to really be a big step ahead and if we don't, we are going to be like so many other cases where you had a problem come in, it'll go away at some point, it'll go away."

So the vaccine, which we're traveling at warp speed to create, is vitally important and also no big deal because this coronavirus plague — which is nothing to worry about — will simply go away at some point.

Also important and simultaneously not important is testing. While other countries started widespread testing almost immediately, President Trump made the smart choice of not doing that. What's the point of testing when you don't already have thousands of deaths demonstrating the need for testing? Swift, widespread testing would have shown a large number of coronavirus cases in America, which would have made the president look bad, and the last thing Americans want during a pandemic is to have their president look bad.

So he patiently waited, and now America has ramped up its testing and the president has boasted about how amazing his administration has been at testing, while also pointing out how testing is dumb (probably Obama's idea) and causes more people to get the virus: "Don't forget, we have more cases than anybody in the world. But why? Because we do more testing. When you test, you have a case. When you test, you find something is wrong with people. If we didn't do any testing, we would have very few cases."

Make sense? It's understandable if it takes you a minute. It's not easy keeping pace with someone who has a very, very large brain.

What's truly remarkable about President Trump's flawless response is how he has managed it while people tried to blame him for the aforementioned very small number of 90,000 deaths. Only a godless liberal would waste time casting blame in the middle of a national not-a-big-deal crisis.

Also, the Obama administration is to blame and Democratic governors are to blame and the people getting sick are to blame and the so-called infectious disease experts who keep saying the nation needs a coordinated federal response are to blame and the media are to blame and hospitals are to blame and China is to blame, though they must have hacked Trump's Twitter account on Jan. 24 and posted this tweet: "China has been working very hard to contain the Coronavirus. The United States greatly appreciates their efforts and transparency. It will all work out well. In particular, on behalf of the American People, I want to thank President Xi!"

Monsters.

Lastly, as President Trump has demonstrated by not wearing a mask, you should always wear a mask while around others. It's just the right thing to do. Or not do.

Now get out there! Everything makes sense. Everything's perfect. And anything that's not perfect you're wrong about.

Enjoy your transition to greatness! (Unless you die, in which case it's your fault for transitioning to greatness wrong.)

rhuppke@chicagotribune.com