OH YES! "IF ONLY" satire by Borowitz of the New Yorker

Broad Majority of Americans Support Moving Trump to Jerusalem

By Andy Borowitz

December 6, 2017

Photograph by Mandel Ngan / AFP / Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a new poll conducted on Wednesday, a sweeping majority of Americans said they support moving Donald J. Trump to Jerusalem.

The sixty-three per cent of survey respondents who approved relocating Trump to Jerusalem placed few conditions on such a move, other than that it take place "as soon as possible" and that it be "permanent."

In other poll results, an overwhelming majority of respondents said that they would support relocating Trump to any number of other foreign destinations, including Russia, the Philippines, and "that station where scientists live at the South Pole."

Though Americans were strongly enthusiastic about moving Trump to Jerusalem, in a rare consensus both Arabs and Israelis vehemently opposed the move.

• Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of "The 50 Funniest American Writers,"