Trump's qualification for being commander-in-chief

Although Trump is no longer a laughing matter, he has certainly given a lot of fuel to comedians whose jokes about him are becoming more and more synonymous with the truth.

Trump Says Ordering People at Rallies to Attack One Another Has Prepared Him to Be Commander-in-Chief

By Andy Borowitz 
(Andy Borowitz is a New York Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes the Borowitz Report for newyorker.com.)

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Responding to a question about his qualifications to be Commander-in-Chief, Donald Trump told NBC's Matt Lauer on Wednesday night, "At my rallies, I have ordered many, many people to attack other people."

"In the heat of the moment, you have to decide who is going to hit which person, when, and how hard," Trump said. "I have ordered more people to attack other people than most of our generals have."

He said that the outcome of the fights at his rallies showed that he has the judgment necessary to be Commander-in-Chief. "You always want to make the bigger guy hit the littler guy," he said. "That's how you win."

Asked about his strategy for defeating ISIS, Trump said, "What I learned from my rallies is that you never tell people in advance how you're going to attack them. You wait until they least expect it, and you sucker-punch them in the face. That's what I would do to ISIS."

He contrasted his extensive experience ordering people to attack one another with Hillary Clinton's "complete lack of experience" in the same arena. "You look at her rallies, no one's hitting anybody, she's not telling anybody to hit anybody, and people are just sitting there," he said. "It's a disgrace."