Snorked, Korkled, Shizvitzed, Twacked, and Horvalaken: New Words for New Times
by Jaime O'Neill | October 27, 2015
Sometimes I get so exasperated I reach and exceed the limits of my vocabulary. The daily deluge of deluded dumbfuckery in this country forces me into sputtering, letting loose a stream of all the once-taboo words that now appear so ubiquitously in our movies, but sometimes upset people, nonetheless, when they see them in print.
Take, for instance, a couple days ago when I posted a blog here with the title "That's Fucked Up," employing a word for sexual intercourse that still retains the power, I guess, to offend some people. How six letters or one syllable of sound can get people agitated when the world is imperiled by manmade climate change or by the current epidemic of American stupidity or by hordes of religious fanatics willing to do most anything to a) help bring about the end times, or b) do most anything to attain the martyrdom that will bring them that big virgin bonus awarded in heaven seems like an odd and even deviant measurement on an out-of-whack Offense Meter.
But, be that as it may, the state of human affairs is such that we are all exceeding the language we have for expressing consternation, outrage, astonishment, or disapproval.
I'm always surprised there are still people who can be offended by any of the cuss words we have in English. They've all been used so incessantly that I always think the power has been drained out of them, that they've been worn smooth by overuse. Still, I use them to express my impatience or outrage because the limitations of my own vocabulary don't provide me with any better words than that time-honored lexicon of profanity I learned as a lad. No other words leap to mind when I'm really pissed or frustrated, especially with the American political scene. Few if any words seem even marginally commensurate with the all-too-frequent shittiness of our politicians, especially those on the right.
For instance, what words do we have in the English language sufficient to describe the slimy awfulness of men like Trey Gowdy, Darrell Issa, or Mike Huckabee? Or what word, including any expletive you can think of, would measure up to the general pukiness of women like Ann Coulter, or Alabama Congresswoman Martha Roby, the woman who wanted to know whether Hillary Clinton had gone to bed alone on the night of the Benghazi tragedy?
What word or words can adequately describe the Republican's threat to once again shut down the government if they don't get their way regarding defunding Planned Parenthood?
Where are the language resources that fit the sense of outrage a retired teacher like me can feel after learning that Bristol Palin gets $30,000 a pop for each speaking appearance, and that she was paid nearly three hundred grand to serve as the spokesperson for sexual abstinence and preventing teen pregnancy, despite the fact that she had a child out of wedlock, and currently has another one on the way. The degree of hypocrisy, alone, exceeds the reach of language.
Bristol Palin is a millionaire, though her measurable skills don't seem to go much beyond her ability to get herself knocked up, something any number of people have shown the ability to do, though without then being rewarded for those feats of conception with speaking tours, reality shows, or endorsement deals.
Then there's Paul Ryan, the arrogant guy the not-quite-equally repellent Mitt Romney chose as his VP running mate four years ago, the guy who so reliably draws upon a reservoir of profanity because of his insistent hypocrisy and his determination to ensure that fetuses have more rights than rape victims. His attitudes are so snorked, his persona so shizvitzed, his morality so korkled, his sense of entitlement so twacked, and his corruptibility so horvaled as to require a whole new lexicon of disgust and disdain.
There are many such motherfuckers whose names could be listed in this context, men who are doing all they can to expand the English language, to make us go where few have gone before to describe just how flurkinated and kremlack they are.
What adjectives might we find to describe the nitwittery and nonsense spouted by the somnambulant Dr. Ben Carson, a guy who seems to have gone to his medicine cabinet at least a couple of times too often? He's a frikennamen lunatic, if you ask me, though that new adjective I've coined here surely doesn't begin to describe how weird this dude can be. He finds everything from abortion to hangnails to be worse than slavery, and that's well beyond fucked up.
And how about Donald Trump, the guy who wants us to know about his humble beginnings back when his daddy extended a measly million dollar low interest loan to his favorite son. Coming from nowhere and nothing like that, Trump knows how hard it can be for the rest of us to achieve the American Dream, but he wants us to realize that if he could do it, starting from as far back in the pack as he did, we can do it, too, if we're only willing to work hard and not be a bunch of whiny losers who could be rich, too, if we'd only get off our asses and stop expecting something for nothing. When it comes to chutzpah, Trump is utterly horknik. When he says he is just the sloozincesser needed to unite us, you just have to conclude that he's just completely nodlenugger.
Then there are all those Koch whores, the politicians who are owned and operated by the Koch brothers, those sleezivating, corrusculators who are planning to spend nearly a billion bucks to ensure they have their way with us. Take that malevolacking manifestation of mammywhucking malingerer known as Marco Rubio, a guy who gets a munificent amount of money for not showing up for votes in the U.S. Senate, one of the things he's supposed to be doing for that mountain of money he's paid. Instead, this slick son of a bekincisor uses his high profile and high prestige position to further his akinnicken personal ambition.
And when Republicans pass yet another huge tax break for the richest Americans, then follow that up by proposing massive cuts to Social Security, it gets pretty flammincrammen hard to come up with a krevencrakel word to describe the outrage we all should be feeling, the ire we should be screveyellen.
Beyond that, what language is adequate to describe Iowa Republicans, more than half of whom prefer either Ben Carson, Donald Trump, or Ted Cruz to be the nation's next POTUS? How klikenklaggen is that? You got a brain doc who seems sedated, a hair hat who seems to need a head doctor, and a slimebag Canadian weasel who is channeling Joe McCarthy. Beneath that top level of encrusted nogginmushen, you've got a really whiny rich boy who was supposed to walk away with the Republlcan nomination before it was discovered that even as dimervated most Republicans are, they hadn't forgotten what happened the last time one of that moneyated klan got the keys to the car.
Even progressives can create pissengripen. In response to the last piece I wrote about how fucked up things were, one Smirking Chimp progressifier wanted it known that Barack Obama's support of the latest trade agreement provides evidence that this drone loving warmonger wants to eradicate American SOVEREIGNTY. "That," he wrote, "is the truth."
But I would suggest that's not THE truth, but A truth, maybe. There are lots of truths about Obama, and I'm inclined to believe that even the worst ramifaming truth we can dig up on Obama, or Hillary, for that matter, still ain't worth a pile of kunkshic next to what the right wingers have in store for us, or compared to all the bad skinkelwracken they're doing right now in state houses and governor's mansions where they hold office.
It's all just so skozelated that it gives me the kreezlekraylies.
I could go on, but there's only so much I can take before I just have to say "fuck it" until I can recharge my bafingaggin emotional batteries and find a few more new words to express those fatigued fuckin' feelings.
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